As a first-generation student you may also be the first in your family to move away from home. That's a big deal.
 
You have likely played a significant role in your family (e.g, being a role model for younger siblings, supporting your parents) and home may still want you to play an active role in their daily lives---literally calling daily to involve you in what is happening back home. The pull to continue to fulfill these roles in the same way as you once did can feel like a lot of pressure. Saying no is sometimes not just hard, it isn't culturally acceptable. The reality is that the distance may make this very difficult and sometimes impossible.
 
Like many college students you might also miss home. Life as a busy college student can make it difficult to find time to call home and connect with family and friends. This can further heighten that feeling of distance from those folks whom you are close to and care for. 

Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by the pressures from home or you are simply missing your connections there, it will be important to set some boundaries to help you strike a balance between being present for those who are at home and being present here at school. Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenge with greater ease:

• Make regularly scheduled times during the week to talk to home. Scheduling regular times will create consistency for both you and your family and helps to ensure that those from home have your undivided attention when you do talk. Knowing you have time scheduled will give you and your family something to look forward to during the week and it helps you to check in about important updates in your life and your family's lives. Pick times during the week that make sense with your schedule so that you can enjoy your time connecting with them. Some students choose a time during the week to celebrate important family rituals (e.g., call during the Sunday family meal) so that they share in that family experience, and they might also call another time to have a more intimate conversation with specific members of the family.
  

 

• Let your family know about your schedule. Letting home know more about what your daily routine looks like can help them better understand why it might be hard for you to talk throughout the day. This simple step can help you to avoid misunderstanding about why you haven't returned a call quickly or aren't always available.   

@UCSBMHPs First Gen Experience: You can’t put your family on hold. #FamilyNeedsMe #HomeAlwaysOnMyMind #CanYouJustTalkToYourBrother #1stGenExperience  #UCSB

• Draw a distinction between urgent needs and those that can wait. Although you may have been able to provide immediate support to your family members when you were living in your household, its not as feasible from afar. Certainly if an urgent situation comes up, attend to it. But, many of the things that might come up can be bookmarked to talk about at another time. As a student you have a lot of stressors on your plate. Consider what you need to get done and when you can reasonably make space to talk through issues that might be coming up in your family. If you are able to take of yourself and your priorities, that will make you more available and able to be a good support to your family.  Let your family know what's on your plate and when you can make time to talk and set up that time. By providing that rationale it will help your family understand that you are prioritizing both your immediate needs as well as their needs. And, by setting these limits your family can also start to shift how they manage challenges at home.