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Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics

5/18/2020

I cannot believe I am saying this... but I miss the library. I miss having a place designated for studying, surrounded by like-minded college students living off of Yerba Mate and the desperate Subway sandwich meal that they’ve probably had 4 times that week. One of the challenges brought forth by COVID-19 is the displacement of several students into uncomfortable living situations, where it may be difficult to find a place to study or even relax.

If you are experiencing difficult family dynamics while living at home during this time, you are not alone. Some students may now experience an increase in responsibilities that they didn’t typically have during the school year, such as caretaking. This can be incredibly hard, especially while being a full-time college student and trying to complete other remote work from home. College also acts as a safe haven for many students, giving them physical distance between them and their family members. Now that they share the same physical space, many people feel like they have less independence and less control over their familial relationships. A few examples of some difficult situations that one might face while home are having a family member with a mental illness, difficult financial situations, lack of space, or just not feeling understood by your loved ones.

Also, underlying tensions can be magnified because of the stressful, unusual, frightening circumstances brought on by the pandemic. Family therapist Helen Park of Manhattan’s Ackerman Institute for the Family, a mental health clinic, says that “the climate for everybody is such an acute, pervasive level of anxiety. That kicks up the sympathetic nervous system; the fight-or-flight fear responses are very much always on. That's where you get problematic cycles of interactions, which are so difficult to interrupt if you're in a heightened state." Many people (myself included) have noticed that squabbles occur more frequently and often tend to escalate. This emotional distress coupled with a persistent feeling of anxiety can be overwhelming at times, so it’s important to pay close attention to your well-being.

Some things that may help us when we are in these situations is:

Recognizing what’s within your control. Though we may not have the same independence and freedom that we once had, there are still some factors that are within our control. Many of us are able to choose what we eat, how we entertain ourselves, when we communicate with friends, what we wear, etc. Noting the daily decisions that we make can make us realize that we do still have some power over our lives.
Setting boundaries. I often have to make it clear to my family members when I need space, whether that is to complete my school work or just to get time to myself. Sometimes this doesn’t work, but it helps me communicate my needs.
Taking walks. This sounds fairly simple, but getting a breath of fresh air to get some space is really important to me. Sometimes we can feel trapped at home when we have several responsibilities or are feeling overwhelmed by the people we live with. Taking time to step out and appreciate nature, or a different environment, can be therapeutic. Daily walks can also create some physical distance between our family members and us.
Reaching out to friends. If your familial circumstances are less than ideal, you can try to spend more time with your chosen family. A lot of your friends might be experiencing the same issues, so it could be helpful to confide in them and give each other the emotional support that you may not be getting.
Developing a routine. Without in-person lectures, extracurricular activities, and our regular jobs, many students find themselves procrastinating or solely doing schoolwork without allowing themselves much-needed breaks. Developing a structure can be helpful for finding work-life balance and creating a sense of normalcy. I still use Google Calendar religiously and include both classes and relaxation time (i.e. watching Netflix, talking with friends) because academic and social life are equally important.
Seeking help. If you are feeling extremely overwhelmed by the changes this quarter and are having trouble navigating a living environment or relationships, do not be afraid to seek help. CAPS is available by phone at (805) 893-4411 where you can make an appointment to speak to a clinician, or you can submit a services request form online at caps.sa.ucsb.edu. Being able to talk to someone about what you are going through can really help when you are feeling frustrated and alone.

-Tashia and Maddie

Sources: https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2020/04/09/coronavirus-quarantine-fighting-causes-family-drama-amid-virus-fear/2955382001/

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Social Distance and Chill: A Guide on Self-Care

5/1/2020

Self-care has always been hard to practice and maintain. I have a tendency to start the quarter by practicing and balancing self-care but once Week 3 (really Week 2) comes along, I drop most self-care routines. It begins to feel like I have no time or it is just another task I must complete. However, this time around, things have changed drastically. Self-care has become a part of my survival and necessary for my ability to cope through collective trauma, remote instruction, physical distance, and so much uncertainty. Just like I need food, water, and sleep; I need to make sure I am nourishing myself and intentionally taking care of my mental health.

For me, self-care looks like extending kindness and compassion to myself. It means that I am learning to accept there will be days where I am not productive and that I make sure I am connecting with my community and loved ones. It is Week 5 and everyday I practice self-care. This looks like:

Learning to ask for support from my social support
Journaling while I listen to my favorite playlist
Cooking food that reminds me of home
Drinking a nice warm cup of coffee
Facetiming with friends and family
Lighting on my scented candle
Going for daily walks!
Watering my plants!
Stretching
Therapy
Baking

I am learning to be more attuned to my body, mind, and soul. Self-care does not need to be extensive, it is about the intention to nourish and listen to what your body, mind, and soul are telling you. This can be a few hours of your day, an hour, or a few minutes. The time does not matter as much as the act of it. These difficult times have shown me how essential it is for me to pause and take care of me. Self-care is not another task, it does not mean I am selfish or lazy, it means I am attuned to my own needs and I am respecting and honoring my entire being. Today’s self-care for me looked like sharing with you all my journey and practice of self-care. What does self-care look like for you?
-Veronica, Mental Health Peer

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MHP's Declassified Zoom University Survival Guide

5/1/2020

Welcome to Week 5 at Zoom University - UCSB edition, of course. It’s another day of waking up later than usual, rolling out of bed ten minutes before that 11 AM lecture, scrambling to find your lecture notes from last week, all while trying to figure out what your *Zoom fit* of the day will be.

As we prepare to head into Week 5, infamously known for being one of the weeks that most students have midterms (You got this!) we begin to feel the increasing weight of our responsibilities fall onto our shoulders. For some of us, we returned to our hometowns, to the places we knew as home before coming to UCSB/IV, whereas some of us stayed in Isla Vista, a home away from home. Whether you’re back home or in Isla Vista, one thing is for sure - we aren’t just students, our roles are much greater than that. For some of us, we’re the third parent, the caretakers, the educator, the provider, the example.

*DING* my bad, just got called into another Zoom meeting at Zoom University. As I was saying… during quarantine, you may begin to feel your motivation decrease, but don’t be too alarmed! We here at the MHP Program, along with the help of other wellbeing services available, are here to help bring you ease during these hectic times.

Here are some tips that could help you stay positive and gain motivation while adapting to Zoom University and the COVID-19 Pandemic in general:

Remember that nothing lasts forever
- As hard as it may be during these times, it’s important to remember that difficult situations are not permanent and will pass by. For most of us, this is the first pandemic we’ve experienced but people have been able to push through other ones, so we’re able to do the same :-)
Switch to a Gratitude Mindset
- This tip itself isn’t easy - especially during hard times like these but one’s mindset definitely influences one’s goals, mentalities, etc.
- Example: Instead of thinking “It sucks that I can’t see any of my friends/ loved ones during this time,” trying changing your narrative to “I can’t wait to see friends/loved ones after this situation passes over so I can really value the time I spend with the people who mean the most to me.”
- Example: I think I speak for most of us when I say we’ve all had this next thought in our head: “I’m so bored, time is going by too fast/too slow.” Instead, I suggest changing your narrative to something such as “I’m grateful that I have more time to tend to hobbies/interests I previously did not have enough time for.”
Plan Your Day
- There are many benefits from planning your day such as:
  - Deciding what you want to achieve for the day
    - By deciding which assignments/tasks you’d like to complete each day, you have control over the things you would like to focus most on. By the end, you’ll feel accomplished/be a step closer to finishing your tasks and progress is always ~good~
  - Having purpose and being productive
    - By creating a daily plan, you’re creating daily purpose. This leads to a sense of completeness, proactiveness, and drive.

In conclusion, here are a few additional tips to help keep you positive during these hectic times:
1. You got this!
2. Believe in yourself and speak your goals into existence
3. Stay home for the safety and wellbeing of yourself, your loved ones, and for the health of others in general.
4. Take advantage of any extra time you may have on your hands - call your family, read that favorite YA book for the sixth time, watch a new television show, discover a new interest, research topics that interest you -- the list goes on, and so shall we :-)

-Vic, Mental Health Peer

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Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics

Social Distance and Chill: A Guide on Self-Care

MHP's Declassified Zoom University Survival Guide

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